are we there yet?

lately, I've been feeling in a bit of a funk; a bit like an animal backed into a corner, tail between its legs and fur standing on end.  

I have been a bit hesitant to write about this, but when I was making the decision to move, I followed a lot of people's expat blogs in the middle east and looking back now I wish someone would have written about it.  I think humans find their own emotions and reactions easier to cope with and accept if we can find evidence among other humans that said emotions are "normal".

so I went in search of evidence that I am... somewhat... "normal"  and after one particularly frustrating day, I remembered a conversation with my boss shortly before i moved.  she was in china at the time experiencing a similar situation to the one I was about to embark on.  In an attempt to prepare me, she shared that studies found there were four stages of the expat experience.

they go basically like this:

1. adrenaline fueled excitement:  everything is so new and exciting that you are in a bit of a glorious daze.  not to mention, the first couple weeks at your new job are a bit like the first week of school.  you are there scraping the top of things but haven't gotten in fully into the swing of things.

2. umm, wait, i LIVE here?!:  culture shock.  in this period  you begin to interact with your new environment.  and in an attempt to nest  you discover the inevitable bureaucracy that comes with moving to any new location.  you have to learn the rules to a new game in a new place and go against the grain of what you already know to be true. this stage is the hairiest, and can come with feelings of homesickness, boredom, lethargy, irritability and even hostility to the host culture!

3. the adjustment: after the initial the shock of your new place , frustrating, tedious tasks aside, you can begin to develop your day to day patterns and routines again.  things become a little less about survival and a little more about living.  and if you are in a place with a new language you have started to use it with some regularity.

4. home sweet home:  you've made it!  with the blinders of culture shock removed you can really appreciate your new culture and may even begin to develop some of their ways as your own. 

now, some of you reading this may say "that sounds pretty straight forward".  I thought so too, but when you are experiencing it, the reaction goes much deeper than that.

When I started telling people that I was making this move, the main reaction usually sounded along the lines of "wow, you're brave to go do that all on your own".  At the time, I didn't think you needed to be brave to do something like move across the world for work.  It wasn't like I was going to war, that takes bravery... I design hotels.  To me, it was just going to be a new city where I continued to do what I did every day in the US. 

And now I know... it is really so much more than that.  Every single day challenges everything I thought I knew about myself.  It brings out my strengths and it brings out my weaknesses as if I were under a microscope.  I am so much more aware of myself in my new country than I was in the US.   Habits and behaviors that I carried passively everyday in the US are lifted to the surface in a way that I can't ignore. 

So to the people who told me "wow, you are brave to go do that all on your own".  Yes, I now know that a certain amount of bravery is required, because not only are you facing an entirely new country, but possibly even an entirely new self.


As for where I am in the expat process.  I have to begrudgingly say that I am in stage 2.   A bit in shock, but muddling through.  The last two phases have a pretty sunny outlook which makes it easier to look forward! 

But until I make it to the other side... in the back of my mind, sits that little 10yr old girl in the back of my parent's minivan on a long road trip asking "are we there yet, how much longer until we get there?"